Bullying, Why is it such a problem?

Many parents don't teach their children about accountability, respect, and compassion. They neglect this in words, actions and attitudes. Too many adults have not yet graduated from jr. high, mentally! Children learn in their homes first! All adults are responsible for what they model to kids!

This is one of the reasons why I am so adamant in the We CAN group that we demonstrate the ability to discuss issues without the hatefulness and name calling that is so rampant on all sides of the political spectrum.

 

It is repeatedly astonishing to me that sooo many equate being civil, respectful and staying focused on the issues rather than the person, with being weak. I am far from being a saint but I will not stop working toward learning and teaching all I can about how to mange one's feelings and emotions in ways that are respectful, honest and with tact.

 

In the past several years it appears that our society has confused being honest and encouraged to express ourselves with being rude and totally unrestrained. It is quite possible to be assertive, strong and honest without attacking with a desire to hurt, shame, and/or crush the other person.

 

When someone verbally strikes out at any one of us in hateful ways, it does not make us stronger and wiser to reply in the same manner. It makes us stronger and wiser, to respond by focusing on the issues at hand. Presenting the facts, asking them to explain, back up their statements, and being knowledgeable and articulate our selves is what makes us stronger. If the person is only out for a verbal fight what is accomplished by engaging in a name calling match? Nothing.

 

There are a few very loud people who feed off of drawing us into their angry/hate-filled world view. If I choose to participate in this angry rhetoric with them, I give THEM more power/strength. I have just feed them, reinforced their position and unwittingly made them even more sure they are right about what ever the issue is. I have now joined in their definition of people and the world. Pretty quickly I can become absorbed in hate, cruelty and generalizing to EVERYONE who does not share my opinions. You can watch it happen before your eyes in many places on FB, blogs, and chat rooms.

 

As adults we have much more power than we did as children to take care of ourselves and to shape the world around us. We can set limits on our acceptance of mean, hateful and cruel talk and action around us. We have to be wise enough to know when to engage in a worthwhile debate and when walking away is the wisest choice for our higher goal of genuinely influencing the majority of the people regarding an issue. I.E. pick your battles and when you do choose to make an impact, make it by demonstrating the attitudes and behavior you hope to inspire on the other side.

 

Children go through developmental stages when it is very important that they learn that just because they are angry about something does not mean they have the right to rage and hurt anyone else. While it is quite alright and even good for them to be able to express their feelings, they must learn that THEIR feelings are not the ONLY feelings that matter. They need guidance to learn. How and where they express themselves is key to successful responsible maturity. When children grow up in environments where the adults do not demonstrate and teach them that everyone in the family is valuable and deserves respect, and that our feelings are important but must be expressed appropriately, they often grow up to be adults who do not know how to manage their own strong feelings and have not learned how to be strong, assertive, articulate, and civil, all at the same time.

 

As we grow up, learning and resources ARE readily available to gain the skills we may not have gotten as children. As adults we are all responsible for our choices and how we interact with others. We are all responsible for how we teach children to get along successfully in the world. We are all responsible for creating the world we want to live in.

 

Isn't it time that we become skilled at being all the things we want others to be? Tolerant.  Equal.  Articulate.  Topic Focused.  Educated.  Compassionate.  Fair.  Honest.  Strong.  Open.  Civil.  Fact Based.  Respectful.  Accountable.  Good Listeners. Great Problem Solvers!